The idea for this blog was born in an apartment in Mexico. A perfect Tulum sunset ruined by mindless scrolling and a triggering headline. One of those moments where something hits a nerve but results in serious motivation to take action. It was right there in the heat of the moment that I decided to write a book about women’s human rights. After two years of research however, I realised the mammoth task of writing a book with a baby whilst home-educating a five year old was too overwhelming, I loved doing the research, but actually writing it was another matter. Could I be a writer?
Maybe, but it has to be manageable …
Maybe I have time for a blog?
Snatch a few hours here and there in between baby naps and forest school drop-offs.
So here I am, new to Substack with a head full of questions and a desire to shine a light on our rites of passage as women, to share my thoughts on birth, investigate why one in three of us is experiencing birth trauma, why obstetric violence is raging around the world, why are BIPOC women even more at risk, why is free birth demonised, why are birth outcomes getting worse and more dangerous for mum and baby the more medicalised that birth gets, why are we in a situation where midwives are on podcasts explaining that physiological birth Is going extinct. Why!? These questions are the driving force behind this blog—I invite you to join me on a journey of inquiry and exploration.
Once upon a time in Mexico, under with that beautiful Tulum sunshine, I was trying to read one of the three books I had foolishly taken with me. A road trip with a three-year-old, I laugh at my ignorance. This was my first ‘adventure’ holiday with a toddler and it is no surprise that I only managed to read about twenty pages in twenty days….
My partner, young son and I were taking this holiday to help facilitate my healing from a miscarriage seven months earlier, my health had really taken a dip after that, and we all felt that our souls needed sunshine and an adventure. We hired a car and road tripped our way around Quintana Roo. We were enjoying a few nights of luxury on the tail end of a family backpacking experience.
These were the last snippets of sacred holiday time before catching the flight back to a cold UK in January, and I was soaking in every moment of the warm rays. I don’t know why I ruin those moments of peace by looking at my phone, but I was scrolling away and a headline jumped out, it was something along the lines of ‘Social media influences women into having irresponsible free births’
Instant rage, why did I pick up my phone, I was feeling so chilled…
My relaxed and regulated nervous system took a hit. I felt mad and I was triggered by it. I know we all perceive things differently depending on many factors, but to me, in that moment, It felt that the article inferred that we women are very irrational, easily influenced by social media when making huge life decisions, and, well, just not that smart. The archaic systems of our society from media to healthcare really do love telling women what to do. There is so much judgment in society on a woman’s decisions when it comes to pregnancy, birth, and postpartum. She’s ‘too posh to push, she’s making an ‘irresponsible decision’, she’s ‘not lost the baby weight’, she’s ‘influenced by social media’ and on and on it goes…
My Mexico adventure was back in January 2022. A time when home birth teams and birth centres had been closing all over the UK, and even those that did remain open were constantly changing the parameters for being ‘low risk’ enough to be ‘allowed’ to use those services. Women were being forced onto labour wards which have statistically worse outcomes for those wanting a physiological experience.
Back in 2021 I was newly pregnant and I had called a local private midwife which we had been saving for because I knew I did not want to go through the NHS again. The midwives I had at my previous home birth were lovely, but they were strangers. I did not want to give birth with strangers present again.
I was told unfortunately that she along with all the other private midwives had had their insurance revoked, she could provide my pre and post-natal care, but could not attend my birth. I had this vision in my head for so long about how my birth would be, this news was crushing. I did not want to free birth at that time, personally I would not consider going into a hospital (unless there was a genuine medical need), but I really wanted a wise woman, who I had handpicked, someone who understood physiological birth, and would be happy to let me get on with it however I wanted to.
I lost that baby a short while later. I began researching free birth stories out of curiosity. When I was first pregnant in 2018 I had read a free birth book. I loved the idea that women were out there having this kind of birth experience, but I didn’t think It was for me at that time, but now I was listening nonstop to free birth stories. I read, and researched and became more excited by the idea. The very notion of being able to have a euphoric birth like these women were having, completely outside of the system was electrifying. It was during my time away in Mexico immersed in all of this free birth research and ecstatic birth stories that I read the headline about women being influenced by social media to free birth.
Often if something triggers us, it is because there is some truth in it. Here I was being influenced by amazing free birth stories some of which I was finding through social media. I remember thinking, ‘They just don’t get it, we women are having our rights stamped on and being denied the birth experiences that we want. Damn right some of us are considering free birth. Damn right our positive birth stories are influencing each other, we are not mindlessly scrolling Instagram one day and then having a free birth because we saw someone do it. It is a deep ancestral desire for a sacred and undisturbed birth experience, something that we’ve been doing since the dawn of time until very recent history, If it wasn’t for our innate power to do this humankind wouldn’t even be here. It is our birth rite for this experience to be treated in a sacred way’.
Once I heard these incredible birth stories, I couldn’t unhear them. A feeling deep inside that I just had to have this incredible experience for myself. Some women know all along they want to free birth, and some of us come to it because all other options were denied to us. We are more than capable of doing our own risk assessments and making decisions in line with that. This old school paternalistic attitude trying to control where, when and with whom women can birth is some old paradigm B.S that has had its day.
Almost a year ago to the day, I had my free birth, and it was exactly as I had visualised it.
What a beautiful, spiritual, experience it was. An out of body, higher state of consciousness experience.
Whilst I respect that everybody’s birth choices will be very different, this blog is an outlet for my passion for the rights and rites of truly undisturbed physiological birth. The essays I write and research I share will be based on my own perception of the world and I acknowledge that I have my biases just like anyone else, I will always advocate that anyone reading my Substack should also seek out opinions that are the complete opposite of my own. Gathering lots of information and opinions is a useful way to make truly informed decisions. My blog exists to raise awareness of issues, such as the abuse of power within maternity systems, the lack of knowledge around undisturbed physiological birth but also the beauty of our ancient rites of passage. I find myself on a quest to live more in alignment with nature and her cycles and will be sharing my journey along the way.
My biases are based on my own lived experiences, views of the world, spiritual beliefs and core values, not everyone will be in alignment with that, and that’s okay. but for those interested in physiological birth, and women’s rights and rites, I look forward to us unravelling the mysteries together.
Beautiful words and so lovely to read about your journey 💕
This is going to be great! I know how hard the writing with kids thing is - I started The Mule on blogger when my first 2 were 1 and 3. Then I had another baby 🥴😅. My advice is make a deal to do one a week and find the time, even if it's at 1am. Also, keep it short. 1000 words is enough. Do that 80 times and you will have your book. Good luck you've got this 💪💪💪